Painful.
I’m sure when you stood in front of the mirror, you thought you were fulfilling every boys’ Gilligan’s Island porn-flick fantasy. The flowers in your hair only help accentuate the Fisher-Priciness of your boobs. And you still shop at Wal-Mart.
***
Hip.
How hot is it to pair a black knit minidress with a white button up tunic and brown suede boots? Add the banjo and you’d cause Brad Pitt to start scuffing his boots in the sand. And you don’t even care. You’re too busy singing the songs of the fjord in the fog. Got no boobs? Use that grand for a banjo.
***
Painful.
I guess I should give you the benefit of the doubt that you were maybe thinking “Betty Page: Hot, Mr. Rogers: Hot. What if I was ironic and combined the two?” But this outfit looks like you’re going to interview for the regional manager position at Hot Topic. Or the receptionist position at the Scientology Book Room. Either way you’ll finally get laid. By Xenu.
***
Hip.
The fact that you’re wearing a stone wash, high-waisted jean skirt these days makes you look simultaneously daring and effortless. The only thing that would make you more daring is if you tried to ride that bike in that skirt.
80’s in irony: OVER.
80’s in earnest: classic.
Finally making a huffy bike look cool: priceless.
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