”There’s never been a better time to be a geek. After decades, if not centuries of persecution, ridicule and never, ever getting the girl, geeks are hot. They are scientists, programmers, artists, musicians, actors, videogamers, skateboarders and architects. They have risen above unimaginative educational systems, hostile social environments, and conventional employers to develop the most liberating, global, inventive and democratic culture on the planet. They are geeks and their time has come.”
Dearest Geek / Nerd,
you are awesome and you know it. you’re smart, talented and resourceful and you have nothing to prove. you have no idea about fashion, but that’s because you couldn’t care less. and apathy is hot, right? trouble is, you have needs. and you know you’d make an attentive boyfriend if only you could get noticed by that hot bookstore clerk. well my friend, i’ma tickle your “hip” bone. i’ll make you too hot for your tapered, elastic waisted trou. i have much experience in the realm of nerd transformation (i’m a mac and music geek myself) so listen up! at least 4 out of 5 of my past projects are currently non-celibate.
HipTip #1: embrace your geekiness and rock it
yes, i realize this hasn’t worked for you so far, but you are a geek and that’s probably never going to change. so whatever you’re doing, whatever you’re wearing, do it with confidence and a spring in your step. there’s a reason why there’s such a thing as geek chic. you have a “look” already. i know i’m not the only one who thinks geeks are sexy (i married one after all). it takes balls to rock those grandpa trousers. if you enjoy dressing like a geek, keep it up! that’s obviously what you feel most confident doing. and it should be about confidence, not conformity. my sage advice for you is to strut your butt and only buy clothes that you love and that flatter and fit your adorably scrawny, or lovably ample ass.
…in fact, why not step it up a notch or three? pretend you know what you’re doing. get some expensive and stupidly hot vintage tortoiseshell frames (remember to factor in the Cost Per Wear!) or a colorful argyle sweater. chances are, you hate shopping. so when you do go, spend the money and buy good quality clothes that will last through fickle trends and 29 hour WoW sessions.
if you have no confidence, fake it by standing up straight, walking with conviction like you’re going somewhere important, being sincere, trusting your instincts and looking people right in the eyeballs. just pretend that the proof of the twin-prime conjecture is written somewhere in their retinas.
HipTip #2: shoes, shoes, shoes. the mystifying power of a good shoe.
a good shoe will make a girl take another look. the wrong shoe won’t convince her eye to venture past your ankle. this is a tricky one as the subtleties that make a shoe hip are very mysterious. unfortunately for you though, all girls have an innate capability to spot a cheap orthotic from a mile away. so keep it simple, go low profile and stick with the classics – maybe get yourself a pair of chucks. they’re comfortable, they go w/ everything and they never go out of style (at least not in my lifetime so far).
for your geek chic style, try campers and for a good solid oxford or sneaker, you can’t lose with gravis or ben sherman. whoo! i’m getting a little hot just looking at those.
HipTip #3: get some new pants
i could never overstate the importance of good pants. while it’s true that some lucky, tall, thin, painfully hip and floppy-haired fellows are capable of rocking the highwater pant, i’m sorry, but you are most likely not one of them.
you are not going to find good pants at a thrift store because you don’t have the eye for it yet. so suck it up and spend a bit of money on some flat-front (no pleats) pants with a regular to low rise in the waist, a straight leg and an inseam that reaches to heel of your shoe. buy your jeans in a simple style and a dark wash from reputable, classic places like Guess, A&F, AE or Banana Republic. believe me, it’s worth it. spending a bit more cash at the right store will take some of the guesswork out of buying denim. plus, most higher end stores will have a seamstress on call to get the fit right. if you can only afford a couple pairs, just calculate the CPW and wear the butt of them down to cheesecloth. i’ll even go ahead and give you permission to wear them several times between washes. good pants that stink a little are most likely much less offensive than bad pants that are clean.
HipTip #4: a t-shirt with a vaguely witty pop culture reference does not an outfit make
i’m not going to tell you to stop wearing your electric sheep t-shirt. but unless you’re at a Bi-Mon Sci-Fi Con, i promise you that having to explain your random and probably totally obscure weekend wear to a girl is not a good ice-breaker. best case scenario, it will buy you a few extra seconds of conversation, worst case it will only help to emphasize your lack of common interests.
if you must wear t-shirts, buy them in 100% cotton, flattering colors and please god, a good fit. the shoulder seams should live right at the shoulder, and there should be no extra fabric to flap in the breeze or tuck in. i repeat: do NOT tuck in your t-shirts. if you’re shirt is too long, throw it out. a good-fitting t-shirt will end right below your pants waistline.
HipTip #5: a good jacket is a quick fix for your unique and refreshing figure flaws
when you don’t look like a young Paul Newman or Marlon Brando, the optical illusion is your friend. invest in a nice structured jacket. if you have less than broad shoulders, look for a jacket in a solid military style (epaulets couldn’t hurt) or a classic blazer. it’s ok if it has small shoulder pads, as long as the shoulder seam is where it should be. if your love of beer and late night carbs has your belly stepping out for a cigarette without you, try a 2 or 3 button sport coat. it’ll camouflage the obstruction and make even a t-shirt and hoodie look pulled together. buy one in casual corduroy, canvas or twill for everyday wear.
HipTip #6: when in doubt, keep it simple, genius
please read and pay heed to fellow fashion gurus Queen Marie and Queen Michelle over there at Kingdom of Style. if you’re sitting in a corner all sweaty and self-conscious, afraid you don’t possess the unbridled machismo it takes to pull off those luscious lime green adidas gazelles, you’re that much more unlikely to get up and tap on that sexy librarian‘s shoulder.
work up your confidence by starting out slow, incorporating some brighter colours, getting a great haircut (aka spending more than $40), a pair of simple aviators and a new pair of shoes. eventually one glorious day, you can perhaps graduate to the Jarvis Cocker level of geek chic… and that day, Luv, will mark the true and grisly end to your famine of femmes.
Seriously, she ain’t lying, I wore plaid shirts with undershirts with things like “All your base are belong to us,” or other geeky shirts, and once I got rid of the plaid (except for the few that actually fit well) and got a pair of chucks I couldnt get rid of the chicks. I’ve had my current girlfriend for over a year now, so change a bit, it’s worth it.
ah shit yeah
there was supposed to be a sweet photo of Jarvis in rainbow stripes in that comment.
I tried to explain the bad shoes+pleated pants=no sex ever equation to my boyfriend. Like algebra for me, he just memorized it without really understanding.
LOL Ambika! Such a guy thing! Amber, is the Before&After guy one of your projects? (Or your own personal guy?) I have a brother who fits all of the above, but is actually kinda hot, though I’ll NEVER tell him that….
yes, Lynne, Before&After Guy is a really good friend (you can see me in the background of that 2nd photo).
i’ve helped him shop (picked out that sexy pink polo for him at a vintage shop in portland, or) and i cut his hair as well. he’s never really had a problem getting a date, although he did say that this wicked military coat from zara and some beautifully fitted dark indigo jeans i found him were more or less directly responsible for some extra female attention. he rocks chucks and gravis shoes like nobody’s business.
I can’t tell you how wonderful (on many levels) this post was for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Hahaha, I loved this post! Found you through digg and love the website as well. Awesome work.
[...] Show this to your geekiest friend if they need some fashion help. [...]
[...] blogger Amber over at Painfully Hip just pubbed a nice, witty piece educating us, male geeks, on how we should dress. So if you’re currently single and looking for your significant other, head over to her place [...]
[...] blogger Amber over at Painfully Hip just pubbed a nice, witty piece educating us, male geeks, on how we should dress. So if you’re currently single and looking for your significant other, head over to her place [...]
I’m not sure about these. Some of them (like no pleats), I’ll agree on, but it seems it would differ depending on what type of girl you’re trying to get (though I guess the answer is often “any”). Most normal girls would probably go for a lot of these suggestions.
If the other nerdy/geeky girls are anything like me, though, they’ll find some of the original ways of dressing cute. Some guys can pull of tucking in their t-shirts, for example (laughed at my old boyfriend when he took off his button-up and had a tucked-in T underneath, but it was really adorable in my mind). I like guys in esoteric nerdy t-shirts, too. It takes the guesswork out of “will this guy understand anything I say?” Some guys aren’t nerds/geeks, they’re just bad dressers, and the nerdy/geeky t-shirt is often a good compass for nerdy/geeky girls to figure out if the ill-dressed young man is up for talking about Linux, video games, math, physics, or programming or if he’s just some poor sap who needs to get a mirror. The difference is *huge* for girls who consider intelligence and knowledge of one of the above subjects to be very large factors in their desirability.
thanks mackenzie! great comment!
i would guess that girls like you are sadly very rare. few and far between. and it’s no surprise that you already have a boyfriend. these are just guidelines to go by for guys who have NO CLUE and just need easy tips so they can look like they give a shit. like my friend aaron who recently had the exact misfortune of awkwardly trying to explain his t-shirt to a girl he was on a date with.
i wouldn’t dare try to say that the world needs fewer geeks when just the opposite is true. long live the geek!
Hola faretaste
mekodinosad
“After Guy” just looks like a douche, I’d rather hang with before guy.
Hi,
We are handling the Portland casting for the second season of the VH1′s hit reality show “The Pick Up Artist”. We came across your posting online and wanted to pass along the information about the casting call in case you know of anyone who may be interested in coming in for an interview. Here is a link to all the details:
http://www.dannystoltzcasting.com/pua2
If you have any questions, please feel free to contact us.
We would appreciate anything you could do to help us spread the word. This could be a once in a lifetime opportunity for someone!
Regards,
Sally
Sally Gates
Danny Stoltz Casting
O: 503-227-6055
C: 503-348-2313
=
[...] Glenn Greenwald – Salon.com wrote an interesting post today on Fashion How-To for Geeks or, The Modern Nerd’s Guide to Getting…Here’s a quick excerpt bookmark this on del.icio.us – posted by y0s1a to geek fashion howto diy and saved by people… [...]
[...] Fashion sense? — Ah, that’s nothing. That can be bought — or learned. Geeks love to learn new things and problem-solve, of course. It just all depends on what they consider the most urgent (or intriguing) topic to get their undivided attention at any given moment… [...]
This looks like some feminist bullshit trying to turn us into a girl. Feminists tries to turn us guys into something we can’t be (a girl), and tries to turn themselves into something they can’t be (a guy), messing with society at its core point. The type of shoe a guy wears should show what kind of terrain he most often walks through not if he is a catch. Girls are catches they are not supposed to be assertive and catch anything, leave the wooing and looking to us ladies. Go enjoy life and do something pretty stop trying to live in the harsh male world, we have no fear of death here. By the way I love and respect women that’s why I want them to stay as women not some hybrid self destructive feminist. All the best!!!
[...] 2009 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: fashion, men, women | Yesterdaystumbleupon gave me this link, from the blog Painfully Hip.It’s kind of old now, and these kind of articles [...]
This is all super advice. Especially about those pleated pants. Ew. Geeky shirts are fine though, as long as they fit relatively well.
Button-up shirts are also fine, as are hoodies.
By the way, king of hot geeks: the tenth Doctor. For me, it’s the hair and the shoes. And the pinstripes, but it’s not necessary to be that fancy. But note that the mix of pinstripes and casual shoes adds to the hotness. Sorry if this is getting too complicated.
If you live in the city though, it’s easy! Just look at people while you’re walking down the street, find the people who appear to be attractive, and observe how they dress. You should get a feel for it soon, and since there are so many people in the city to draw info from, your fashion sense should develop and evolve very fast.
Amber what do you think of wearing volleys? these are an Australian brand of shoe, being cheap. consists of rubber sole and canvas top. got some awesome laces too fluro colours with a checkerboard pattern.
also skinny tight jeans are great big increase in confidence. plus they’re really comfy
Tshirts nice and simple plain colours mostly and sometimes polos
simple grey hoodie.
thats how i roll
The world needs more hot female geeks! I got the electric sheep reference, I make geeky boys salivate.
Mackenzie: Tucked button-ups are very fashionable, even if it’s not “indie” enough. Only un-tuck if it’s ironed well and the top button is open, preferably with jeans. And an undershirt.
Truth be told, you can wear anything. FIT is what’s ultimately important, and above all, confidence. I know plenty of of geeky guys who wear whatever the F-*K they want and are adorable because they know they are.
Feminism has nothing to do with fashion, what a silly notion, Victor. Your comment is thoroughly wrought with silliness, actually. But I hope your antiquated ideals about gender roles serve you well, man.
I’m with Mackenzie on this one. Also, I personally think having to ask a guy what his shirt is about is a *great* ice-breaker; gives me a reason to go up, and him a chance to respond (in some, most likely, awkward and geeky way). Geeks rock.
Fuck you.
Dear Victor,
I’m concerned about the kind of terrain my shoes might reflect, do i really want women to know that I’ve been hanging out at whole foods buying gluten free barbecue chips? Will this affect my Wooing and looking?
My favorite part of your comment was the “No fear of death” part, it makes me think of bad boy club t-shirts (Also a great addition to Geek fashion!)
Victor you remind me a little of Tom Cruise in Magnolia… Except y’know, without the being able to string together a sentence part.
I hope that the harsh male world works out for you.
Sincerely
AwesomeAllDay.com
Calm down everyone. This is pretty failsafe stuff. 1. Good pants 2. Good shoes and 3. Good top half
hot jeans are probably the biggest help.
it’s not rocket science, assholes. the girl is right. nobody’s trying to “change you.” she’s trying to help you GET LAID. if you’d rather not that’s fine. carry on.
Thank you, Grace! My thoughts exactly. Long live The Geek!
Thanks everyone for the comments, even Victor. Wow. People like you really do make this thing we call the internet more interesting, if nothing else.
Keep em coming!
Did this article just tell “geeks” to buy clothes from Abercrombie and Fitch?
Upon entering said store, one should first notice the 10′ by 20′ black and white photo of a half naked man. One should also observe the price tags of severely and unreasonably overpriced and over cologned clothing than could be bought from pretty much anywhere else for much less, and still retain sense of smell.
How disappointing.
@Doppelganger: I believe the tip that is missing from that part is that you should NEVER EVER BUY ANYTHING THERE IF IT ISN’T ON SALE.
This pretty much rings true for several different stores that are normally overpriced: At some point in the year, they will be hitting a low point and they WILL have great deals on things that were overpriced. They’ll still be overpriced, but they will be much, much less so.
Also: buy clothes out of season to save money. Good jackets for the winter can be pretty easily found for up to 75% off in the spring and summer, and all sorts of spring and fall jackets can be found incredibly cheap in the winter. Just make sure you buy things that aren’t necessarily CUTTING EDGE of fashion, because they probably won’t look so great next season. The classics, though, those will look great no matter what year you’re wearing them in.
Photoshopped
ive been trying to teach my boyfriend this article, especially the good jeans and HAIRCUT part. the message is failing to sink in
he still insists on a luminous green hoodie
also, for a easy cute/smart look, a really nice casual shirt is lovely
Yea definitely, geeks rock XD a good geeky shirt with a nice line is always good, it’ll make those geeky girls laugh and be attracted to you. No problem there I bet XD
But yea, don’t go overboard on the whole “buying expensive clothing” bit. But get something that’s at least a bit trendy, that shows off your ass or something.. it helps. Go to Marshalls, they sell brand stuff for extremely cheap. If you’re going for a geeky girl, really don’t worry about the brand, it’s not like we care. :3
[...] reading here: Painfully Hip | Fashion How-To for Geeks | Painfully Hip Posted in: [...]
[...] Originally Posted by Kokos Nerd with style : But don't listen to girls over this thread guys. Very nice! My idea of a hawt geek: Painfully Hip | Fashion How-To for Geeks | Painfully Hip [...]
Knowing what I know about most guys (not just geeks), this advice should be mandatory reading for all men!
~Bill P
[...] This article is written for geeks but I feel it's something all guys should read: Painfully Hip | Fashion How-To for Geeks | Painfully Hip [...]
I love this article! One thing I always teach guys is how they dress TOTALLY MATTERS. I love the embracing your geek look. I’m going to share this link with all my friends … this is exactly the right approach!
This post is genius! What great tips to give to all those lovable geeks out there who just can’t seem to connect with the ladies. I feel the best tip is about the jackets. A good, fashionable blazer on a guy, no matter their body type, is always classy. (The proper) jacket gives the impression of a guy who is bold and comfortable with his style. You can also never go wrong with large glasses with funky frames. With the whole hipster scene that is definitely a hot trend right now. Great post!
Shawndrea Corbin´s last blog ..The Thrifty College Student
Well done on the post
I think it’s really useful for guys who don’t really pay much attention to fashion, nice and simple. I do however have to disagree with tip 4. If I saw a guy wearing a t-shirt with an obscure reference to a webcomic i’d be compelled to go and talk to them about it. as long as you wear it with the right ensemble, you could look nice and have an interesting style which is not only unique but what you’d be happy with wearing.
This web page rocks. Thanks for the particular cockney etymology!
You made some good points there. I did pc hardware training on the topic and found many people will agree with a person’s blog.
thanks for the community service.
The author did point out that all items are probably available at Good Will, I’d add that free boxes are super, and as i was admiring a geek boy today and his obscure shirt he told me he got it from a free box. Smart & sexy. The issue is, you have to be savy, and if you are not, then you need a friend or sales person…..
Hey ant-feminist slug. Thanks for sharing your opinion. do know that yes, confidence and some decent apparel will help you get laid. Until you open your stupid mouth.
Y’all’s jealous cuz you ain’t nerds you dorks, and you don’t know have any idea how to put two apostrophes in a word and still make it work.
geek fashion, nice tips!
Y’all’s jealous cuz you ain’t nerds you dorks, and you don’t know have any idea how to put two apostrophes in a word and still make it work.
superhero costumes uk´s last blog ..
Hello there, I found your blog by the use of Google while looking for a similar matter, your website got here up, it seems good. I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
Meh… I’m not a geek. Even if I was, I doubt I wanted to look like one.
Fancy dress costumes uk´s last blog ..
I like the style. A very fashionable one. It’s not nice if a person is nerd at all times.