itsy bitsy? teeny weeny? tan or creamy?

although i got a gorgeous green Michael Kors one-piece for my birthday, i’m always on the lookout for loverly bikinis. preferably ones without gigantic florescent hibiscus flowers and/or camouflage. this is often more difficult than it sounds, especially since i have a mental block against paying more than $40 for a tiny piece of fabric that i’ll only wear a few times a year if i’m lucky…
ok, i promise i won’t complain about the weather again in this post, but complaining about the weather is a favorite canadian past-time so really i’d just be showing my patriotism. that’s pretty patriotic for an ex-patriot.
seriously though, it’s actually a really good time to look at swimwear (among many other things, but that’s another post) because there’s a wicked summer SALE (up to 70% off) at YesStyle! who knew they had such cute, cheap swimwear??

hello! this is so deliciously “Boogie Nights” and only $28.80! i wantee! although it’s probably all wrong for me since i be sportin’ some C cups and have boyhips. this style is much better for small chested girls with wider hips. there’s also a similar style in different colors for only $31.50.

blue floral bikini
this purdy lil’ 3 piece for only $37.80 includes a tiny wee sarong which is handy if you haven’t had a wax in over a fortnight. but mostly i just love the description on this: “The two layers of frilly bkinni brief expose your appeal when you twist your body.” most of my “appeal” is in my crotchal area.

usually i hate fussy things like “beads” on a bikini, but the Missoni style print on this $37 bikini is pretty irresistible. again, the caption just says it all: “The beading on the center front and the end of the nect tie with the zic zac print enhance your hippymode on the beach.” Hippymode! is now a permanent part of my vocabulary.

two tone bikini
yikes, the YesStyle models are a little to, eh, vapidly gorgeous for my taste. it’s kinda like, why do i even bother? they should really go for only mildly hot models. anyway, this is so sweet for only $25!. i love the style of the top (is it bandeau or string? i’ve got my top scientists on it but we may never know for sure) and is that a purple link on the bottoms? adorable.

ruffled tankini
this is so cute and only $40.50! if i had this i could go to the beach on my worst water weight day after a night of binge-drinking nothing but Guinness! i’m not totally convinced about the print, but i love this style. this would also be so great for maternity swimwear, but who am i kidding, i’m preggers with a beer baby every day.