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Go Jane: go seriously consider laser surgery

Here at Painfully Hip, we do try to encourage adventurous dressing, but I have to say that one of the most fun posts I’ve ever done was this rollicking slagging of the Go Jane aesthetic. I was disappointed to see that Go Jane had somewhat toned down their selection since then, but today when I stopped by -there really are a few gems to be had- I saw their new front page and got really excited at the sight of a crazy collage with the most vile shoes I’ve ever laid eyes on front and center.

Now, I have nothing against retailers who take chances and at discounted prices, but there’s a difference between quirky or fashion-forward and just plain crazy-go-nuts. Really, who would buy this shit? Seriously let me know, because I kinda wanna hang out with them.

peeptoe workboot

fucking amazing. I mean with the ugly shoe trend that’s happening these days, I can kinda see the Balenciaga-ish thing they were going for but… Wow, it looks like someone took a hideous mule and frankensteined half a construction workboot onto it minus the overtly practical steel toe. Somebody should be arrested for bringing these Eraserhead babies into the world. EDIT: If you’re actually into these, you’re probably too painful for this site, but check em out in black. They’re less Brick-Laying Hooker and more Janet Jackson in Rhythm Nation. Good luck with that.

ankle wrap heel

No sense! At all, makes none! Shiny formal ombre plastic gladiator spat stilletto?? What kind of dress from Hades would begin to go with these? So confused! Like yoda talking for the rest of the day, I’ll be.

silver pants

I was wondering if the metallic leggings thing would translate to a wide-leg silhouette. I wonder no more. In fact, I think my wondering mechanism is broken forever.

hair necklace

I would totally wear this necklace if I was a plastic troll cannibal and I needed a DIY project for all the troll scalps I’d been hanging on to. Y’know, for old times’ sake.

lovehate

I’m having a love/hate relationship with my eyeballs right now. Do I want them in my head forever, or do I gouge them out with a stiletto heel right NOW for submitting me to such abhorrence? Can you say “Ugg?”

OK, if I don’t stop now, I’ll end up hot-linking 50 more things and then they’ll be on to me. And I won’t be allowed to buy the cheap buried treasures I keep finding, like their much improved denim section. Goooo, Jane!

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This entry was written by amber and posted on April 8, 2008 at 10:42 am and filed under Painful or Hip?, fashion, painfully funny, painfully popular. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post. Post a comment(Latest is displayed first) or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

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20 Comments so far (Add 1 more)

  1. “Really, who would buy this shit? Seriously let me know, because I kinda wanna hang out with them.”

    Yay, here’s to finding you a new bff. Check out yesterday’s entry on this blog: http://fashiontrendguide.blogspot.com/

    1. Kris on April 19th, 2008 at 7:11 pm

  2. hahaha, you made me laugh. those pants are quite disgusting! eeks!

    2. gilda on April 13th, 2008 at 2:06 pm

  3. I loved this post! The troll head necklace will have me cracking up for the rest of the night.

    3. ltleshedevil on April 9th, 2008 at 6:43 pm

  4. Haha, I seriously like everything except the pants and the last pair of boots. And is does anyone else notice that the first boots are an exact copy of the Balenciagas?

    4. stephanie on April 9th, 2008 at 4:31 pm

  5. Thanks for bringing up the Eraserhead babies. It took me ten years to delete them from my memory.
    Damn, I wanted to get a chicken for dinner tonight and everything.

    5. iron chic on April 9th, 2008 at 4:19 pm

  6. I always check out the sight, forgetting past experiences, and hoping to find something nice and cheap. Then, I happen upon something (usually metallic, patent or plastic) and have that same feeling of eye-gorging. I wonder if you can block sites so I can stop the cycle?

    6. Sarah on April 9th, 2008 at 1:56 pm

  7. OMG those pants are horrible loose like that. I will admit that I love the leggings from AA though.

    7. tiffany on April 9th, 2008 at 1:37 pm

  8. the trousers are a real delight. I definitely need a pair for work, that should shut the students up!!

    8. Baraginie on April 9th, 2008 at 10:29 am

  9. I’m now blind from the sight of those Uggs. They’re pretty much the Medusa of shoe.

    9. ambika on April 9th, 2008 at 9:25 am

  10. That post totally made me laugh out loud - ‘ugg’ is a good word!

    10. Amy on April 9th, 2008 at 3:12 am

  11. I’m not overly comfortable sharing a planet with those floor length lame gauchos.

    11. Natasha on April 9th, 2008 at 2:15 am

  12. I liked the first shoes. I can sooo see myself in them.. The rest, however, not so much. Scratch that. Never.

    12. Alya on April 9th, 2008 at 12:16 am

  13. Oh my…I can only say I am sooo glad you are not dissin’ my site. If I ever start buying crazy crap like that, please give me a virtual slap :)

    13. Michelle on April 8th, 2008 at 5:37 pm

  14. plastic shoes and leg wideing leggings should be worn together with troll necklace to remove any doubt that one has style.

    14. Hailey on April 8th, 2008 at 5:35 pm

  15. that’s pretty impressive. those pants should come with a diet plan, imagine how freaking huge your thighs would look?

    15. Emma Sharp on April 8th, 2008 at 5:04 pm

  16. the boot/sandal hybrid is a balenciaga knockoff. but everyone else you posted is pretty hideous. that necklace thing looks like rabbit’s feet. ew

    16. jinah on April 8th, 2008 at 2:20 pm

  17. I was just on GoJane last night and saw those heel/boot hybrid shoe and thought the exact same thing. They are the ugliest shoes I’ve ever seen, and someone will actually spend money on them. Amazing. This whole post made me laugh.

    17. Emily on April 8th, 2008 at 1:41 pm

  18. wow!?

    18. suzy on April 8th, 2008 at 11:19 am

  19. omg! I actually saw someone wearing the last boots and shiny horror leggings the other day! it almost made me gag on my jones soda and i so badly wished i had my camera to take a pic and send the person in for a “What not to wear” make over

    19. Mikkle on April 8th, 2008 at 11:12 am

  20. Go Jane is such an odd place. Some (most) of the stuff is HORRIBLE and really makes you wonder who they got designing this stuff and then there are a few pieces that make you wonder how it got on Go Jane.

    20. Janelle on April 8th, 2008 at 10:52 am

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