Last week I received my first ever negative comment regarding an outfit:
Your blog is very well done… The photos of other people’s styles that you post are very creative and appealing. However, I feel that your style is somewhat average and bland. I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but it seems like you admire great and interesting fashion, yet your outfits seem typical and.. well, not so interesting. I was just curious as to why you don’t seem to take many risks with your clothing.
I hope you don’t take this the wrong way. Just some constructive feedback!
-Lenora
Gah.
As this was in response to my relatively adventurous turquoise leopard print dress and weird neon purple and yellow astronomy-patterned bag, I was a bit astounded at first. As I thought of ways to defend my shallow sense of dignity (not limited to simply deleting the comment and going on my merry way), astonishment quickly turned to defiance, then quietly to resolve. She was totally calling me out on my shit!
The reason I started this blog was because of my love of shopping at a time when I lacked sufficient means to support even a weekly thrifting trip. The only things I ever bought were clothes that were flattering, comfortable and timeless – pieces from which I could squeeze my money’s worth. My practicality (nevermind my lack of dough) was literally stifling my personal style. Blogging gave me a way to “shop” for things I would love to be wearing at that very moment, without creating a vacuum in my wallet. Plus it constantly inspired me to make do with what I had.
Fast forward one year. I had moved to a new city, the perfect time to reinvent oneself. But now that I could afford a few thrifting trips, I was having a difficult time kicking old shopping habits. My new business is based in fashion and design, so I always have potential clients on my mind when I dress. I found myself watering down my personal style in order to try and please everyone’s expectations – an impossible feat. Plus, because my first love is travel, I hate being anchored down with all kinds of stuff. So I was still being uber-choosy and erring on the side of practicality on any given day.
This blog has changed my life in a multitude of ways. My personal style has evolved faster than the Silicon Valley gene-pool. It has also literally helped me become self-sufficient and that has boosted my long-waning confidence. I owe it to my readers to practice what I preach.
So, Lenora, I’ve decided. I have sorta been phoning it in. And if I can’t take constructive criticism from a perfect stranger, who can I take it from? I wouldn’t have been so offended if I didn’t know deep down it was a little bit true. Thank you for lighting a much needed fire under my ass.
After some months of rabid thrifting and clothing swapping, I’ve now got enough signature pieces to put together a few outfits which encapsulate the many personalities of my personal style (whilst shunning my inherent habit of being too goddamn practical). I’m taking this as a challenge to come out of my closet and start baring my soft style underbelly. Be gentle with me.
leather jacket – gift
knit hoodie – flea market, 75 cents
green silk top – UAL, New Orleans $39
Wimbledon tennis shorts – Painfully Hip clothing swap in Chicago
houndstooth tights – Macy’s $7
red patent pumps (with chunky grey heels) – Marshall’s $19
feather earring – borrowed from Eve
Personality #2 – Mixed Patterns
little boys’ pinstriped blazer – thrifted $3
silk rose-print top – thrifted in Chicago $1
paisley print wrap skirt – Susie’s Deals $3
tooled leather corset belt – a gift from foxhuntvintage
cream cable-knit knee-highs – thrifted on the coast $1
stacked heel cowboy boots with cutout pattern – $1 (SERIOUSLY), the rummage room at Atelier!
(close-up of patterns here)
Personality #3 – Modernized Flapper
chiffon flapper dress (seen here sans jacket) – a gift from Michelle of LadyLanguage
leather belt – borrowed from Eve (her blooming baby is foiling her ability to don this awesome belt she bought in Belgium).
nude lace-up heels – thrifted in Chicago $2
Naik Fur hat – a gift! (available at Atelier for around $50)
Personality #4 – Self-Contradictory
(dressy vs. casual / masculine vs. feminine)
ruffled top- Rainbow in Chicago $10
Lucky Brand cut-offs – Painfully Hip Clothing Swap in Sacramento
I think next time I will wear this with more casual shoes and a grandpa fedora to balance things out.
(Photos by Rory Toolan)
The Glamourai wrote a great post on the same issue (in response to a negative comment regarding one of her fucking genius outfits):
“there really is such a
thing as dressing for YOURSELF. i like myself better
when i feel good in an outfit. i feel empowered by a beautiful
detail or a kooky print, and when it’s cold outside, i’d much
rather wear 15 different fun things than one big boring
sleeping-bag of a puffer coat. the more the merrier!!!
who gives a flip if someone else thinks it’s too much?
they don’t have to wear it.
…
‘the selfish pleasure i get?
it’s not in having someone make my photo in the street
(although that’s always flattering). it’s the way people in cafes,
subways, gas stations – and yes, on the street – smile and engage
with me. in a world that can be very isolated & disconnected,
where many people are living lonely, my personal style is a
language that i’ve realized enables me to make new
friends all over the world.”
I want to thank you all again (SO MUCH) for reading my blog and taking my word for what it’s worth, in spite of my lazy style choices of late.
Here’s to dressing for ourselves!
xoxoxo
Oh, I love these! The last one is my fave, but they’re all ridiculously cute.
Wow! Way to take the criticism – I think I would’ve been really offended by that initially as well. Anyhow, those are all adorable outfits.
You do seem to post more wardrobe remixers than yourself, so I love to see these more adventurous looks!
xo
p.s. I rarely comment, but I’m a frequent reader, I’d love it if you could check out my street style blog! =)
http://www.therebelwaltz.blogspot.com
flapper-esque! yay! supes cuuuute
Love the outfits. I’ve been lucky enough to hang out with you on occasion and I ALWAYS pale in comparison. I need to step off the sidelines, myself. The outfit you wore dancing with Nicholle and I, eons ago, upped the ante as far as I was concerned. I thought, “I want to look like THAT!” And I frequently make Amber notes in my style journal (thanks Diana!) Way to take the bull by the horns, sister.
Stunning! Not only did you take the critism like a lady, you rocked it!! absolutely amazing!
It is always a little stinging to get critical comments, or even total insults, especially regarding the way you look/present yourself. Touchy subject, is all. I try to take it constructively myself, but at times it can just be harsh and unnecessary. I like the outfits you’ve put together up there, but if you are comfortable with safer clothing, it isn’t necessary to change your clothes.
Lenora should know there is such a thing as having an appreciation for others styles while maintaining your own. At least she wasn’t mean, though. I think I’ve gotten far ruder comments. I’m glad you’ve had your blog so long without running into some of the really mean ones.
-Tiffany
wow. this was an amazing post, amber!!! fascinating in its vulnerability and literal self-exploration. totally exciting and i truly admire you moving through the criticism and finding a way to not take it personal and be creative with it. brave soul in the house!!!!!
also i love every one of your style personalities and i’m inspired to do the same thing sometime. great idea and you look at turns adorable, then sexy, and always interesting.
This is pretty much my favorite fashion blog post ever. I’m glad you turned that comment around into something awesome. I’ve been having trouble for a while with dressing how I want to dress vs. how I think other people want me to dress and I think that this has inspired me to go back to the way I used to be.
I completely agree with mary catherine’s comment 100%. definitely one of my favorite posts. really, i KNOW i would not have taken that nearly as well as you. although constructive criticism helps one grow, its never easy to swallow. you got some big ones….
My fav was the flapper outfit! BRAVO! lets see more of AMBER!!!
I really like fashion. I like it for the creative element and the way it makes you feel. What I hate is the conformity element and saying “oh you aren’t creative *enough*” is just like when you’re back at secondary school and a studded top is freakish, and you were told to ‘tone it down’ (grrrrrrrrrrrrrr…)
It’s good of you to take it so well. I’m not sure I would have taken that as constructive criticism – I think I could only have taken one of my best friends saying that!
Everyone’s initial shock with criticism is negative, but it’s a good thing you took that negative energy and drove it to play around with some outfits and pieces. Very inspiring!
I am so happy about this post! While I have thought similarly (in the most respectful way) as Lenora, I would never have had the guts to send a message about it, for fear of it being taken the wrong way. And sure, who am I to judge someone else’s personal style? But you handled it so well, and if this blog wasn’t already on my Top 10 bookmarks, it definitely would be after this post! ALL of these outfits are spectacular. Cheers!
it can be hard to hear negative things about yourself, but you tackled them head on and have amazing new looks to show for it. the first is my favorite (i love the green top!) but all of them look adorable and totally edgy and chic without being obnoxious. huzzah and excelsior!
I’m seriously impressed with your gracious consideration of possibly unwarranted criticism, your fabbo outfits, and your thrifting abilities!
I really love this post! YOUR OUTFITS ROCK!
xoxo, Shelly
This post is SO good! I, too, get lost sometimes in dressing practical, trying to please all who come in contact with me, but that is no way to dress (which ive learned thru the wonderful blogging world!). love all the outfits above and love your blog!
I love your blog and check it almost everyday.
As a matter of fact i think that there is something mysteriously classical about your style, but i came to the conclusion that’s just because you have a sense of “good taste” (i dont really know if the french concept “bon goût” can be translated by “good taste”, sorry).
i guess that might have been what lenora meant, and i don’t think of it as a real criticism. in fact it is quite laudatory. this protects you (and all the other people of bon goût) from dangerous style mishaps. That makes you paradoxically both audacious and somewhat “modest”, which i think is very good !
plus, i too think that your response is elegant.
have fun in life
I think you just inadvertantly lit a fire under my derrier as well…however, the thrift stores around me are less than sub-par and I, too, am monetarily challenged. I think I may stick to daydreaming
p.s your outfits are stellar!
loving the outfits!! i always liked your style anyways. i’ve been following your blog basically since it was started
. and if you’re anything like me, you may see a lot of crazy stuff on other people that you love, but that doesn’t mean that you’re gonna dress like that too. I specifically love the flapper and the last look 
i’m OBSESSED with flappers and, upon finishing my current 3 month illustration contract, am going to outfit myself in rich satins and sherbet hues of paper thin velvet. it’s great when you can make your own clothes!! high five for your new looks. (esp the last two heheh)
The way you handled that was aces! That’s what I’ve learned to do over the years. Everyone has an opinion, but some actually have a relevant opinion. Great job, oh and I love the outfits on today’s post!
I deeply admire the way you handled this criticism. My initial reaction would have been to flip my lid, but you are right: if you can’t take constructive criticism from a stranger, who can you take it from?
For the record, I want you to know that NEVER have I thought that you were boring, or that the fashions you feature here overshadow yours. I’ve always thought you have a magnificent sense of what you like on your body, while recognizing the beauty of others’ choices in what they wear. I have never been conflicted… only amazed. ;]
So keep up the great work. I’ve read your blog for a long time now & haven’t ever been disappointed. & that says a lot, you know.
I love reading this blog because of YOU — your writing and wit and thoughts on style. You could be wearing a paper sack and I would still think you are fabulous! Sure, many of us could come out of the closet a bit and take chances–experiment with color and different silhouettes, but being comfortable and wearing what you like is most important. You are elegant and classic–maintain that great image! Best of luck on your new journey!
I love this kind of comment and response posting. Getting called out in print has a pround and hilarious history.
It rules that people care enough to think about your posts and give honest feedback.
Also, ohmygod your legs are amazing in the first one!
…did I mention how great you look in a hat?No?You look ACE in a hat….
I haven’t read your blog in a long time but these new outfits totally pulled me back in. I love the mixed patterns one, actually i love them all!! I think you always have great style and ideas, don’t let one commenter ruin your day.
That blinding color photo is beautiful. But, hmmmm. You can write about any fashion you like without necessarily emulating it, if you choose not to. Criticizing someone for being bland is even more foolish than criticizing someone for being too out there. It’s like when the Fug Girls bitch about everyone who goes a little crazy and then turn around and slam someone in the classic LBD for being too boring. No one is ever satisfied and it’s just a circle of negativity. You were awfully gracious about it though.
I never leave comments, but my eye is always on your site. I have to agree that this is the best post in AGES!! I’m totally smitten with your style. I myself find that I dress more and more for comfort and less for myself. It’s hard to put on those heels when I know I’m walking all over SF!! A closet and mind shift is in order for me!! Thanks so much!
I appreciate how you always tell us where you found your great items, but what I want to know is where did you get those LEGS?! Hot damn! After looking at the first picture, I think I’m going to go spend a few hours on an elliptical.
kick ass! let’s all take a pledge to step it up a notch or two – why not?!
here here, you should always dress for yourself. Your outfits are great. I definitely get in a style rut especially when the weather is really cold, I end up with the more practical and warm clothes, which are usually quite boring
Oh deary me!
Thank you all so much for your sweet comments! I’m thoroughly beaming! What started as a blow to the ego is now suddenly a huge lift thanks to all of you – especially Barrie, Jasmine, Michelle, Apricot, JillianEve and Elena… You believe in me more than I believe in myself!
I am incredibly lucky that after a total of 3,354 comments this is the first one that got personal and I’m even thankful for it now.
YAY!!
Great post! I’m glad that a potentially negative comment turned into a slew of creative dressing for you! And you can wear anything you want– you’re beautiful and have a great figure. I always love when great-looking girls take chances with their style. Keep it up!
It really upsets me that you dedicated a whole post to defending yourself from the first-ever negative comment. I respect your blog and style, but the post demonstrates a level of blogger immaturity I thought you were above. I’m surprised you didn’t quote my negative comment (which I posted in reply to the My Bff post).
Nonetheless, while I still will occasionally visit and check up on things, this post has given me a bad taste in my mouth due to your immaturity and, following that, egocentric personality.
All the best, and keep dressing cute!
Wow. I am so impressed!
I’m a frequent reader and always enjoy both yours and others outfit posts, but way to handle criticism with both honesty and confidence! You look great in your “personality outfits!” I especially love the Modernized Flapper look. I find it kind of funny that you received a negative comment on this post, too. I guess you can never please anyone in this wild blogging world.
The modenized flapper is my favorite look-the dress is as stunning as it is simple. I can understand the constructive criticism, because maybe that ONE look was less-than-avantegarde than usual. or whatever. I think you look great and I’d love to have a closet swap any day of the week.
I meant “modernized.” hey zeus.
Everyone has already said it, but way to take that criticism and let it make you better! I am a frequent reader of your blog and love it in a “man, I want to hang out with this girl” kind of way. Love your writing, your stylin’, & the emphasis on thrifting. Keep up the good work! (Oh, and I think the flapper look on you is especially cute— maybe it’s the bob, but you definitely vibe that style well.)
Could not love the colour one more.
And those boots were a dollar? ONE DOLLAR?
England is a rip-off!
Stay true to yourself x
Cat,
Darling, I’m not sure you read the post completely. Defensive? I agreed with the comment and even thanked the commenter. What I was trying to show with this post is that you can find inspiration anywhere.
I didn’t dignify your previous negative comment because you were simply insulting my taste, which is not constructive for anyone. If you don’t like my taste, you can simply go read another blog.
Really? You think you’ll come back and grace us with your presence? Yay, I can’t wait to read more of your delightful comments.
Everyone else? Thanks so much.
N3 my fav! You’re adorable!
Hello this is the first time I have read your blog and will definitely be coming back =). I just wanted to say that the constructive ‘feedback’ you got from a reader was just plain rude, I like your stuff. Style is subjective, its all personal opinion, so your style can never be wrong but someone might not like it, if they don’t like it then why are they here? Its just bit of an insult I feel…
Laura =)
I love all those outfits especially the first three. I LOVE the way the tights look in the first picture and all those colors are amazing. I really like the skirt in the second one and the boots with the socks, and I LOVE the dress in the third picture. Well done
I love love love the first three outfits. I especially love how the tights look in the first picture with all the different colors, and I like the skirt with the socks and boots in the second one and i LOVE the way the dress looks in the third one. Well done
oops, I thought I deleted th other one
Amber at Painfully Hip, you are looking ab fab in these new shots!
Blogging about clothes and fashion has also totally changed the way I think about what I wear and how it expresses a li’l bit o’ me. It has really freed me, come to think of it.
Oh and there are still a few boxes of goodies that Jen didn’t take, they’re so yours if we’re ever in each other’s neck of the NorCal woods!
~Amber at Violet Folklore
The ‘modernized flapper’ look just made me die. Its so perfect. I LOVE!
wow! you look absolutely amazing in the new photos. i have to say im thrilled to see you look like this, ive been a fan of your blog for quite some time.
way to keep a positive outlook. i admire your humility and your enthusiasm for change! fabulous!
this whole post is oozing inspiration.
you’re fucking awesome, amber.
i don’t know how else to say it. high-five!
i love the old outfits, the new outfits, and your attitude about the whole thing.
can i give you another high-five?
GIRL!
you have a small ego and a BIG heart. way to make Magic Lemonade out of these proverbial Lemons!!! you are a heroine not just for your rockin outfits and endlessly entertaining and inforamtive blog, but cause of your honesty.
Yesterday someone commented on one of my W_R pix, “oh, get over yourself, honny” (later she deleted the comment) but I don’t know if I would’ve been able to weather that Dis with such humor if I hadn’t seen your rad post here. (Incidentally I decided to actually NOT get over myself, although this is a personal choice that not everyone will agree with!!!!)
(; Sasha