Painfully Him: Vintage Tees and the Quest for Perfection

Painfully Him: Vintage Tees and the Quest for Perfection

Hallelujah! This is Painfully Hip’s 500th post! And what are we going to do? Well, seeing that we already had our millionth visitor and 2 year anniversary landmarks this month, we thought we’d mix it up.

Awesome All Day is the funniest pop culture blog you’ve never read. That is until you read this guest post on vintage tees from an irish man with a big heart, a magnificent beard and a great collection. Before you know it, you’ll be getting a foam finger tattooed on your neck.

Thanks, Rory!

by Rory

I was born with a torso.

It’s not the biggest or the greatest torso in the world, but it’s mine and I love it. If you’ve got one of these things you know how difficult it can be to keep them covered (I’m looking at you Girls Gone Wild). Fortunately, over the years I’ve become pretty good at wearing shirts. Amber just noticed this and asked me to do a guest post sharing my phenomenal t-shirt know how.

aadtees

Vintage t-shirt hunting is a lot like hunting in real life except with less needless animal slaughter. If you’re going to try to find shirts from local thrift stores, fashion boutiques, and parental closets the best strategy is to scour the racks frequently and to keep in mind three simple factors.

The Fit: By far the most important facet of a solid vintage top. No amount of ironic graphics, non-sequitur slogans, or awesome album artwork can make a t-shirt that fits like a muumuu or upper body prophylactic look cool. Great shirts are shirts that fit great, that’s what makes them attractive, not the logo or comedic value.

The Condition: Does the shirt have pit stains (before you put it on)? Are there holes around the collar/ base/ or underneath the arms? Some vintage shirts can be more expensive than a mail-order bride who knows how to cook and loves to wrestle, so it’s key to make sure that you can use them again and again without worrying about them decomposing into nothingness (the shirt, not the bride). Softee shirts seem to be the standard nowadays, but a thick cotton shirt from the late 70′s early 80′s is going to hold its shape and be a lot more durable and flattering.

The Cost: Don’t let your kids starve to death because you NEEDED that epic Metallica shirt (honestly, there are plenty of other reasons to let them starve). Shopping locally is a good way to avoid paying too much for your sartorial cravings but, if you just can’t seem to find exactly what you want, you should check out these two Ebay stores. Their prices are usually decent and you get the added bonus of outbidding suckers at the last minute.

-Smith and Pooter: I don’t know which one is Smith and which one is Pooter… I think it might be like one of those things that just sounds better when you say it together, like Starsky and Hutch or Sodom and Gomorrah.

-Hattrick Vintage: This is really great Ebay store that has a wide variety of t-shirt, jackets, and vintage hockey apparel (which Amber keeps trying to convince me is a real sport… Maybe a real Canadian sport).

also

There is also this truly massive t-shirt database called Teenormous where you can search for over 62,292 shirts (and counting) If you really want to find a particular image to adorn yourself with. Think Google but, with less porn and fashion blogs.

It’s vital that before you go online and try to restart the economy with your debit card, get yourself measured. Vintage shirts tend to run smaller then their tags let on (that or I have an eating problem and refuse to acknowledge that it affects my girth). Fortunately any online store worth its salt will give you the measurements of what they’re trying to sell. Most tailors will measure you and tell you your size for free, so go ahead and take advantage of them.

In conclusion I’ve created a short video to express the joy that my t-shirt collection has brought me.

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14 comments to Painfully Him: Vintage Tees and the Quest for Perfection

  • Barrie

    Damn, I love this post! I’d love more consultation from Rory on fashion. It’s good to get a male perspective. I tend to spend too much on tees at the local boutiques. Jake’s Dry Goods, etc. Pit stains are the pits. (Not so much sweat, but deoderant residue). I’ve tried natural deoderant, but it still stains. Must work on my abs in yoga before spring/summer tee season comes out in full force. There’s nothing worse than the sight of a muffin top over a pair of skinny jeans…

  • [...] is the original: Painfully Him: Vintage Tees and the Quest for Perfection Site Search Tags: No [...]

  • [...] Painfully Hip placed an interesting blog post on Painfully Him: Vintage Tees and the Quest for PerfectionHere’s a brief overviewAwesome All Day is the funniest pop culture blog you’ve never read. That is until you discover this guest post on vintage tees from this bearded irish man with a big heart and a great collection. Before you know it, you’ll be getting a foam finger tattooed on your neck. Thanks, Rory! by Rory I was born with a torso. It’s not the biggest or the greatest torso in the world but, it’s mine and I love it. If you’ve got one of these things you know how difficult it can be to keep them co [...]

  • haha, this post is going to get this man plenty of e-crushers now. rad.

  • trend watch : Painfully Him: Vintage Tees and the Quest for Perfection ……

    [...]If you’ve got one of these things you know how difficult it can be to keep them covered (I’m looking at you Girls Gone Wild). Fortunately, over [...]…

  • He is such a legend.
    x

  • Thanks for the mention and kind words!

    Brian
    Teenormous

  • Congrats! I happen to be one of very long torso…and very short legs which makes for some interesting fit issues to say the least. T-shirts riding up is the least of my problems (but sigh, still a problem!)

  • Dear Rory,

    Thanks for the link!

    Dearest Amber,

    Thank you for trying to talk some sense in to Rory regarding hockey. Great taste in t-shirts not so great taste in sports. GO CANUCKS GO.

  • aha. NOW we all know what you two are up to left alone with a video camera. and it’s puh-rice-less. go, rory, go!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Hahaha, this cracked me up. Great video! Maybe I should become a vintage t-shirt enthusiast because they seem to have a lot more spare time on their hands.

  • whole of the UK but of course most of our work is in London .

  • Hi, has anyone heard about that new electrician on Chambers Street by the name of New York Electrician, 94 Chambers St, New York, NY 10007 (646) 415-6723

  • Pardon me, does anyone know about that electrician in Tribeca called New York Electrician, 94 Chambers St, New York, NY 10007 (646) 415-6723

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