Remember how your mom would dress you and your four siblings the same when you all went to Universal Studios or a three legged chili cook-off or something and you’d hypothesize profusely about looking like buncha tools? No? Well, I was getting some vivid childhood flashbacks on Diana’s birthday. After we surprised her with a bedroom mini fridge (so she could do her two favorite things at the same time – eat and sleep), we kidnapped her to a secret location custom designed for nausea-inducing amounts of fun.
The good ol’ county fair. Diana’s only clue was a stipulation that she wear one of these identical graphic floral sundress which apparently none of could resist for $1 at the Buffalo Exchange Outlet. Admittedly, it should probably have interfered with her already decided on leopard print “birthday headpiece,” but she wasn’t going to let that stop her. It was her motherfucking birthday and we were going to be just fine in our obnoxious headpieces, 5 inch architectural wedges and stiletto heels, thankyouverymuch.
The following is a step by step example of How to Look Like a Bunch of Tools in Matching Outfits.
As we walked in, one security guard told us we looked like “those girls from the 1920s” while his friend exclaimed “SUPER DIVAS!” We were profoundly flattered. I’m pretty sure Diana hasn’t taken her leopard print birthday headpiece off since.