Check Me Out: Vested Interest

I don’t know what it is lately with the ugly. I find something hideous… like spontaneous conjunctivitis-inducingly hideous… and I can’t resist it. The more it makes me want to wretch, the more I have to have it in my closet. From a late ’80s Hawaii souvenir dress (yeah, it said “Aloha” all over it, what?) to high-wasted acid washed mom jeans with weird assymetrical leather paneling on them… I’ve procured an impressive wack o’ ugly in the last few weeks.

My only theory is that I can’t pass up a styling challenge. But how in the name of the Land’s End catalogue do I make this sad, vest-shaped collection of buttons and polyester look good? Not sure I succeeded. Maybe total fail. I keep thinking just what if I had remembered to button that bottom button? Or added one more accessory… or 3? But that might be like topping a three day old McDonald’s Filet O’ Fish with truffle shavings – it could contribute some vague palatability, but it’s more just a waste of perfectly good truffle shavings.

• Gross Adjustable Vest Thingy With a Print of What Looks Like that Magic Clock Which Turns Out to be a Portal to the Lair of the Red Bull in The Last Unicorn and Some Weird Playing Cards From the 1800s Printed On It – St Vincent Thrift Store Free Room reject
• Vintage Brooks Brother’s hat (my absolute favorite hat EVER) – Some Like It Vintage, Tucson AZ
• Gap 1969 Legging Jeans
• Vintage 70s Stacked Wedges – Thrift Store
• Pheasant Feather Earrings – Cuffs Urban Apparel