Painfully Trite Twitter Tweets for 2012-05-27

PLATFORMAZING: Wedge Your Bets!

There is only so much time a person has on any given day. I usually can find enough time to get caught up with current events, search out new favorite bands, follow the ever-profound creations and revelations of my go-to clothing designers and fellow bloggers. In between all these discoveries I manage to find time to work, run errands and drink beer. Ok, maybe most of these other things I plan around my beer drinking schedule. But still. There are endless trends and events we all struggle to keep abreast of in this information age, and only so many hours in a day. This results in certain interests being put on the back burner. And when we finally manage a spare moment, we find ourselves decompressing from our busy days by reading articles with headlines like “Chloe Sevigny Says Her Prosthetic Penis Made Her Cry“.

So in this vein, I must admit (gasp!) that I don’t pay very much attention to shoe trends. I’m sorry. I know a lot of you consider shoes way more important than clothing, and I know I may have just gotten the “loser” hand signal from you just now. What’s that? Oh, Amber informs me telepathically that I’m apparently way behind on gesturing trends too. A thousand apologies.

But don’t get me wrong, I love shoes! I just always happen to gravitate toward the same styles. Luckily, for the most part my taste in shoes is pretty trend-proof. I love boyish oxfords, low heeled cowboy boots, gladiator sandals and wedges, styles that regularly reinvent themselves and are rarely “so last season”.

Wedges and platforms have a particular appeal for me, due to my inability to walk gracefully in heels. I’m sure it just takes practice, but I prefer to tower over boys the easy way. So when wedges appeared EVERYWHERE recently, I was understandably thrilled. Not only am I getting more wear out of (and praise for) the ones I currently own, but there are so many new styles to choose from! Seventies revivalists rejoice!

I’ve been online window shopping for hours, mainly on the comprehensive site Viva La Diva Designer Shoes . Over the course of the last several hours, I’ve narrowed down my favorites to three categories.

PLATFORMAZING # 1: Shoes fit for a sunny afternoon at the MOMA while clad in some avant-garde monochrome slim fitting knee-length dress, hair all sleek and companion all effortlessly handsome in a light gray blazer and perfect scruff. Both parties appear very adult and contemplative until almost kicked out for making out next to a Jackson Pollock:


PLATFORMAZING #2: Shoes to wear to a Renoir-esque garden party, paired with a sundress, big sunglasses, and enough umbrella-shaded cocktails to make everything as fuzzy as an impressionist painting:


PLATFORMAZING #3: Shoes with laser cut leather detailing finer than your grandma’s china. To be worn with best friend, both in all black while drinking espresso and smoking hookah for four hours in a cushy curtained booth:



Most shoes pictures available at Viva La Diva Designer Shoes

Today has been so shoe-filled that I’m pretty sure I’m going to see them when I lay me down to sleep tonight. Maybe they’ll infiltrate my dreams and I’ll wake up tomorrow truly shoe obsessed like never before. I can set aside some of my allotted time wasting, right? I mean, shoes are important! They are somehow both the foundation and cherry on top of every outfit.

I think my good friend Chenelle put it best. A while back we were discussing our first impressions of potential mates. She is a shoe girl through and through and insisted that you could tell way more about a fellow’s character by looking at his shoes than anything else. I was of the opinion that a boy in skinny jeans more often than not will have similar musical tastes as mine, which is obviously the most important quality in a partner. She countered with, “If he can’t take care of his shoes, how’s he gonna to take care of mama?”

Painfully Trite Twitter Tweets for 2012-05-20

YACHT COUTURE: Anchors Aweigh Edition

You, dear reader, must of course be familiar with Amber’s wanderlust. She’s been to (and lived in) an absolutely disgusting number of places, places that take on only the most movie-cliched cartoonish appearance in my daydreams, with a few unlikely details added, courtesy of my strange imagination.

Q&A With Myself
Q: What’s Chicago like, Jamaica?

A: Everything has a silvery-gray tint to it, and everybody stays inside except for one attractive couple, who may or may not be Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston circa 2006, walking everywhere montage-style, holding hands and smiling at each other without speaking. The montage soundtrack is just the sound of wind.

Ok, so I know nothing about Chicago, but that’s not to say I haven’t traveled at all. I’ve been to some choice North American locales: New York, New Orleans, Miami, Vancouver, Puerto Penasco in Mexico, and pretty much everywhere in California…I even made it to London a few years ago. But apart from a few trips to Los Angeles, I haven’t gone ANYWHERE in the last two years. Which is why, friends, I am beyond excited to join Amber, her man and her man’s main man for a long anticipated cross country voyage from North Carolina to LA next month!

Q: What do you mean “voyage”, Jamaica? Do you actually think there is a body of water that stretches across the states? I know you haven’t been to the middle of the country, but I can assure you that it is indeed made of land. You did make it through grade school, didn’t you?

A: Don’t get haughty, get yacht-y! Our vehicle of choice is a transformed 70’s taco truck that has been formally christened “The Taco Yacht”. See below:

Besides the obvious value the paint job lends, I especially like the crown detail over the door (actually a rock-climbing practice implement), and how the front end has the profile of Mickey Rourke. And notice how little space it takes up in a normal parking spot? Can you say cozy? I also think I spy a ladder up the back for easy roof access (that’s what she said…?), so I imagine many a Midwestern sunset viewing in my immediate future.

Q: Immediate, huh?

A: Well, we embark toward our departure point in Jacksonville, NC on June 6th after meeting at the Phoenix airport. At the bar, of course. From Jacksonville we have a loose route “planned” through Nashville, Chicago, Omaha, Salt Lake City, Lincoln CA, then down the coast to Los Angeles.

Q: So this is a fashion blog, right? Aren’t you going to ramble on about what you’re bringing with you, or…?

A: I’ve already set aside most of my intended wardrobe, since I’m moving out of my house and into, well, I don’t know yet. I’m winging it this summer.

Q: That sounds very irresponsible.

A: That wasn’t even a question. Look, I’ve got it all under control, okay?

Q: You answered my statement with a question.

A: That wasn’t a question either! We’re getting off-topic. Where were we? Wardrobe!

As you all know, I’ve been extremely fond of chiffon lately. Chiffond? So first I’ll be packing several breezy tanks. This will be great for variety because I can easily change my look by putting on a different undergarment! You don’t get sick of looking through a car window, do you? Sure, the glass is always there, but the scenery changes! In this scenario, if my shirt is the glass and the scenery is my bra, then my skin underneath must be the universe as a spinning cd encompassing everyone’s beliefs and making them all true or whatever that skeezy mustachioed dude at the bar a couple of weeks ago was saying to try and impress me at the cost of his own profundity.

Q: Who’s off-topic now?

A: I apologize. I promise to post my packing list when departure is imminent, but for now I still have a rather daydreamy vision of the trip ahead. It normally would be as vague and absurd as my Chicago fantasy, but thanks to the internet, we’ve been able to research such roadside attractions as the impossibly racist sounding Pedroland Park and the fancy astroturf and pvc pipe detailing at Spencer’s Hot Springs, along with various state parks, weird shrines, and OMG SO MUCH THRIFTING.

Think of it as the sequel to the Painfully Hip Road Trip:

PHRT2: Return to the Revenge of the Mysterious Curse of Thriftown USA

You read that right. More plot twists than I have conversations with myself.

Q: What are you implying?

A: Hush.

Check Me Out: Bird of Paradise

There are several different species of exotic parrots that have been flying wildly and loudly around greater Los Angeles since the ’80s. Today I was squinting up at them when I realized we were wearing the same thing. Plumage.

Bill Cunningham, the New York Times’ street wear photographer (my favorite fashion personality EVER – I would gladly insult several kittens if he would only be my grampa for a day) once said,

“It’s always the hope that you’ll see some marvelous exotic bird of paradise, meaning a very elegant stunning woman or someone wearing something terrific… The wider world perceives fashion sometimes as a frivolity that should be done away with in the face of social upheavals and problems that are enormous. The point is, in fact, that it’s the armor to survive the reality of everyday life. To do away with it would be like doing away with civilization.”

I love the clean canvas white provides for accessories and colorblocking, but sometimes I want the beautiful simplicity of white to be the decoration. Like (for all intents and purposes) my hair, and this little filigree sweater. White/navy striped espadrilles for the sake of sweet, sweet Nautica. This sheer pleated skirt stands out-loudly from its pale canvas of white crochet and winter legs.

The more I settle into my relatively newfound confidence, the less I care about things like following trends (well white is, almost always, a spring trend), and well, getting flattering haircuts. With this self-inflicted hairdo, I’ve actively embraced the humorously bulbous shape of my head and the freckled paleness of my skin. In a small way, to embrace white is to embrace your body for what it is: a canvas.

All clothing and shoes from:

Disclosure: Bloggers received a gift card on behalf of Kohl’s via Glam Media to complete the trend look. The opinions expressed herein are those of the author and are not indicative of the opinions or positions of Kohl’s. All trademarks and service marks are owned or licensed by Kohl’s Illinois, Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of Kohl’s Department Stores, Inc.

Painfully Trite Twitter Tweets for 2012-05-13

Time of the Chiffon for Loving

CHIFFON! I cannot get enough of you.

Whispery caresses of late spring breezes and glimpses of maybe-I-wanted-you-to-see-my-lingerie or maybe-I’m-innocently-oblivious gauziness have me feeling carefree and roadtrip-ready (more on that later). This is a fabric of slow glances, of underwater grace, of all those chillwave bands from 2010 that you still listen to constantly.

Chiffon has been too long typecast as sexy sleepwear, curtain panels, and over-layers on formal dresses. Sure, it works well in those mediums, but chiffon deserves a chance to really prove itself. Just think: what if Adam Sandler had never made Punch-Drunk Love? What if Arnold Schwarzenegger had never made Twins? This is bigger than you and me. This is about breaking out of your mold! Achieving your potential! Its time to let your true colors shine through, literally. And while you’re at it, why not let that gorgeous bralette you only wear on third dates see the light of day?

Example:

My current chiffascination began early this spring as Tucson began to heat up. The temperature hit 100 degrees in April and there was nowhere to go but inside. Of course, the only way to combat an onslaught of sun rays is to wear as little as possible, but when your work inexplicably has a deadly no air conditioning/no sleeveless shirts rule combo, what’s a girl to do? Why, take advantage of a certain dresscode loophole that fails to specify that sheer clothing may not be food-service apropos, of course!

In the way that California’s outlaw of cellphone car conversations overlooked the act of texting for six months and resulted in overly-distracted drivers, my employer’s overlooking of sheer fabrics has resulted in overly-distracted customers. Imagine a gaggle of twenty-something cashiers clad more or less like this:

And then imagine a clientele of lecherous older men with a false sense of entitlement. Endless adventures in objectification! (You can keep your “maybe you should stop dressing like that” comments to yourself, boys, lest you sound rapey. Sweat stains on t-shirts don’t make for great tips.)

But I digress.

CHIFFON! O, fabric of the heavens! Cover me (kind of) with your gossamer mist!
How to wear? Take a hint from Gucci and pair a chiffon maxi skirt with super short shorts:

Or do as I do and dress down long chiffon blouses with denim cut-offs and sandals.
Either way, a windswept prairie or beach makes a great backdrop, but doesn’t it always?


(photos via fashiongonerogue)

Hello, summer. We’ve missed you.

Painfully Trite Twitter Tweets for 2012-05-06

  • June road trip in this converted taco truck / RV with my besties! Any models who would like to shoot or any… http://t.co/5nYBvzY4 #