To say this month so far has left me over-stimulated would be a massive understatement. It’s gotten to the point where if a unicorn waltzed up to me in a pair of vintage YSL pumps and started doing a shockingly accurate Philip Seymour Hoffman impression, I would say, “Yeah, that looks about right” and then take a nap. So woosh, just like that, my friend Nico invites me to his ‘rents empty beach house in San Diego for some R&R. “I am so there, I’m already there,” I say. I’m in desperate need of some ME time.
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For reasons unknown, my eight-year-old self did not like Kmart. When her mom shopped there, she stayed in the car and listened to Tiffany with her twin sister, who also did not like Kmart. We liked the ICEEs they sold there, the large selection of 99¢ cassingles, that titillating Blue Light Special… But some ambiguous stigma prevented us from realizing that whoever catches you buying questionable pants at Kmart, is probably currently buying his pants at Kmart.
My eight-year-old self also thought that sewing plastic spiders to white denim cut-offs was fashionable.
I’m never one to turn down a challenge, so when Lucky Magazine offered me a pretty darn cute lookbook and a Kmart gift card, I went. Boom. Before my platforms even crossed the threshold I found this little ditty of a skirt on the sidewalk sale rack for $2.99. Not bad at all!
I’ve gotten myriad compliments on it, even from straight men.
Tank – Kmart, $4.99
Skirt – Kmart, $2.99
Tribal Earrings by Laura Kepner-Adney of Wingflash Designs
New hairs by the one, the only, the genius, Addam B Moreno.
Have you ever purchased a garment that managed to change your entire outlook on life? A garment so wearable, functional, comfortable and versatile, you can barely bring yourself to remove it? I went from moving myself to the desert, in denial that temperatures below 40F exist, to hanging out in Iceland and Lithuania in late fall for fun and not even bothering to complain about the weather.
This little coat by Merrell is responsible.
This is me after being stranded overnight in a heinous snowstorm in a convertible with no heater. I am not even kidding. Yes, I may look a tad bit FRAZZLED, but I am miraculously ALIVE.
It’s not just the cute toggle buttons that make this coat amazing. It is the warmest thing I’ve ever sported, but it is also breathable, and compact enough to fit in my backpack or drape over my bag while shopping. It has deep, numerous and hidden pockets for passports, bicycle keys, train tickets and stolen pub coasters. It even looked chic with the $14 mall dress I bought at the mall to meet a Lithuanian president in.
 Berlin  Reykjavik I am in love. Copenhageners say that there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing. I am starting to believe them.
Know what else I was a genius for bringing to Europe? These little numbers from MustHaveShoes:
Supplemented with some amazing arch supports (from Foot Petals), these boots were perfect for miles and miles of walking. They were warm, but low profile in the suitcase, gave me jusssst enough height to feel slightly more Giselle-like but still be comfortable, and melded seamlessly with every outfit I brought.
What is the best thing you ever packed for a delightfully impractical vacation?
Disclaimer: Yes, I realize that there are terrific snowstorms happening on the East Coast right now and yes I realize that a lot of you will hate that I’m not wearing six layers of sheepskin right now, but what can I say? I’m pretty sure I’ve invited you all to move into the adobe wonderland I call Tucson, but you were not convinced. It’s ok! All the madmen in this town have either been caught, or are quietly enjoying the psychedelic sunsets. I swear.
So yeah. Perhaps a strapless American Apparel bodysuit, a high-waisted A-line vintage skirt and a pair of platforms isn’t the most creative combination one can imagine, but it is a flattering silhouette that gives any body shape the illusion of an hourglass. How to take it up a notch or 3? Make each piece an unrelated Pantone reject and BOOM. Your flattering outfit goes from safe to sensational.
 
Some people (carpet owners named The Dude, boy scouts, etc), however, often feel the need to “tie the madness together” somehow. Something in the outfit should match, right? What better way to do that than a little bit of gold jewelry to match my gold braided belt? I added one gilt fern leaf and turquoise earring from Wingflash, but I’m badly coveting an oversized turquoise with 14K gold overlay cocktail ring I found on ShopNBC, it would have been like Lebowski’s rug to this outfit.
Bodysuit by American Apparel – thrifted for $1
Periwinkle skirt – thrifted for $1
Gold braided belt – thrifted for $1
Earring by Wingflash Designs on Etsy – Gift
Red Patent Vintage Platforms – Swapped with Emilie of Preen Vintage, Tucson
So, yeah. I guess this outfit cost me $3 and a pair of shoes. Not bad. 
Wha..wha…what??! How is August already winding up? I think I may have been caught in a wormhole. Don’t be too alarmed… Thank you all so much for your tips! I couldn’t believe all the legit get-rich-quick schemes you could spout when asked… it makes me wonder what you are doing on my blog? Keep one eye on your emails for your free copy of The Wanderlust Workbook from Yes and Yes!
Alas, not a lot of money has been made (I even considered becoming a go-go dancer at a gay bar, but I think I may be too straight-I’m not fooling anyone), but I am still determined to become stranded in a foreign country for the winter because it sounds like too much fun. Well, character-building anyway. I better get used to the cold because I may be moving back to Canada in a couple of years! Details forthcoming and aren’t they juicy!
The plan right now is to hit New York in early October for a pending shoot with the peerless Market Publique and one of my favorite photographers, Kailas. In the meantime, I am working on my quicklycomingomgit’shere! fashion show at Hotel Congress!
The promo photo was shot by the fabulous Steven Meckler and my cohort for the fashion spreads that will soon be hitting Zocalo Magazine. Everyone who knows me knows that dogs are my favorite people. So this event was custom designed for me. Our shoot also featured rescued dogs, including this adorable mutt, Alley, who is now (but not for long!) available for adoption at Hope Animal Shelter.
And this is Butter Bean the Sex Machine, who was recently rescued and adopted.
The theme for the show? I will be dressing my models like a prep school girl with hippy parents. Our dog models will be dressed in their birthday suits. Be there!!
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All images were either created by the Painfully Hip Design Collective, used with permission, or found on the web and believed to be in the public domain. If any images that appear are in violation of copyright law, please let me know and i will remove them immediately.
Thanks for reading,
Amber
painfullyhip at gmail.com
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