Here at Painfully Hip, we do try to encourage adventurous dressing, but I have to say that one of the most fun posts I’ve ever done was this rollicking slagging of the Go Jane aesthetic. I was disappointed to see that Go Jane had somewhat toned down their selection since then, but today when I stopped by -there really are a few gems to be had- I saw their new front page and got really excited at the sight of a crazy collage with the most vile shoes I’ve ever laid eyes on front and center.

Now, I have nothing against retailers who take chances and at discounted prices, but there’s a difference between quirky or fashion-forward and just plain crazy-go-nuts. Really, who would buy this shit? Seriously let me know, because I kinda wanna hang out with them.

fucking amazing. I mean with the ugly shoe trend that’s happening these days, I can kinda see the Balenciaga-ish thing they were going for but… Wow, it looks like someone took a hideous mule and frankensteined half a construction workboot onto it minus the overtly practical steel toe. Somebody should be arrested for bringing these Eraserhead babies into the world. EDIT: If you’re actually into these, you’re probably too painful for this site, but check em out in black. They’re less Brick-Laying Hooker and more Janet Jackson in Rhythm Nation. Good luck with that.

No sense! At all, makes none! Shiny formal ombre plastic gladiator spat stilletto?? What kind of dress from Hades would begin to go with these? So confused! Like yoda talking for the rest of the day, I’ll be.

I was wondering if the metallic leggings thing would translate to a wide-leg silhouette. I wonder no more. In fact, I think my wondering mechanism is broken forever.

I would totally wear this necklace if I was a plastic troll cannibal and I needed a DIY project for all the troll scalps I’d been hanging on to. Y’know, for old times’ sake.

I’m having a love/hate relationship with my eyeballs right now. Do I want them in my head forever, or do I gouge them out with a stiletto heel right NOW for submitting me to such abhorrence? Can you say “Ugg?”

OK, if I don’t stop now, I’ll end up hot-linking 50 more things and then they’ll be on to me. And I won’t be allowed to buy the cheap buried treasures I keep finding, like their much improved denim section. Goooo, Jane!