WHAT IS GOING ON??!
Lately, trend prediction has become like trying to ask a hummingbird for the time. Seems like less than 3 years ago the ’90s came back, went away and now they’re back again but now its specifically the LATE 90s-early 2000′s -at its worst, frumpy and self-consciously futuristic (you know I’m looking at you, Miu Miu SS11), at its best, a playful, grungy twist on a classic (Chanel SS11).
So that means the chunky shoe trend (or “orthopedic chic” as your mom probably called it) is back in full force, but in a beautifully minimal fashion. All over the catwalk, chunky platforms, frumpy wedges, manly oxfords, and yes, again with the combat boots. UK site, Zalando, seems to have it all.

If the ’90s ate the ’70s and regurgitated them into a sandal, this is what they would look like. In other words, my past rave-attending self would have dated the lead singer of LIVE for a chance at these babies.

These shoes remind me of that boy in high school who was my best friend for years and was secretly in love with me, but then when he finally kissed me I felt like I was kissing my brother, but then he got married and only then did I realize I was totally in love with him. Apparently, I must have these perfect, comfortable shoes, or regret it forever.

Oh, glorious hooves of burlap and twine! Where have you been all my life?

I think they call this platform/flat hybrid “flatforms.” Or I could be making that up.

I had some Doc Marten wingtip Mary Janes that were like my first born…and I would have thrown them to the wolves the second these came into my life.
Hm, what does that say about me?

Yeah, I know. I’ve always thought the sneaker/heel combo was a travesty. But it’s cool – this one is covered in chainmail and has a Diesel label on it! Plus, the monotone black makes them totally wearable.

When the French Club cancelled our trip to Paris, I consoled my 15 year old self with a brand new pair of platform brogues. Pretty cool, right? Except that I wore mine with floral palazzo pants, a poet’s blouse and a jaunty beret. Live ‘n learn.

I can say without a doubt that the following shoot was the most death defying to date… and that’s including the time we shot in a haunted antiques warehouse in the bowels of the most crime-ridden neighborhood in Oakland!
After we were forced to abandon our original plan of shooting on top of nearby Mount Lemmon because of severe fire conditions (didn’t think it would be cool to be running a smoke machine up there – we prefer to prevent mass hysteria when possible), we drove wayyyy out into the desert in search of a few trees.
Following several miles of meandering dirt roads we came upon this ominous cracked crater of a pond bed surrounded by sparse mesquite trees in the middle of a known smuggling corridor and thought, “Well it’s no forest, but it’ll do.” Amongst the storm of gunshots we kept hearing with disturbing consistency, this location afforded some pretty amazing captures. David Olsen, the editor of Zocalo, seemed to like it too, he made the first one the cover shot for the June issue! Worth it? You tell me…

Fire Warning:
Summer’s Hottest Trends, Adapted for Life in the Desert
By Amber Mortensen, Painfully Hip

It’s June in the desert. The sun is relentless, cicadas are celebrating, and temperatures are rising, but what’s this? Hemlines are descending, modesty is rampant, and …black is the new black? Well, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but pretty much every trend you’ve come to associate with summer (sundresses, shorts, mini skirts, color, color, and more color) have been sent to trial by fire this year. So how do Tucsonans keep cool when fashion publications are telling us that long sleeves, trousers, ankle length hemlines, and black are haute stuff this season? Anything loose and floaty has risen to the top of my wish list. Especially chiffon, the textile equivalent of whipped cream. It’s cool, breathable, and just plain sumptuous. American Apparel (988 E University Ave) offers loads of the stuff. Maxi skirts, cropped blouses, long-sleeved button-ups and even pants in delicious sheer chiffon.
As far as these allegedly low hemlines go, skirts are especially versatile this season. I recommend the high-waisted variety, paired with a fluttery, cropped top or a fitted tank. I love a billowy maxi skirt as a swimsuit cover-up (as seen at the TYP/TFG runway show last month at the Fox Theater), but really anything below the knee is hip for summer. Just don’t forget to add an airy pair of gypsy-esque trousers to your closet while you’re at it.
Black is in, but so is nude. Now with this list of trends, it would be understandable to just decide to translated this to streaking, but first let me explain. Nudity (as far as I know), is still illegal in downtown Tucson, but anything wearable from light peach to pinky beige to tan is so hot, it’s barely legal. All the way down to your toe nail polish, nude is the new black, at least for us desert-dwellers.
And of course there is always room for color on my spectrum, especially for accessories like skinny leather belts and hats. Mindlessly pairing saturated blues, greens, purples and turquoise with your nude, black and otherwise neutral separates will make you appear as though you’ve got this color-blocking trend on lockdown. The point however, is to take whatever trends you’re into this season and make them your own somehow. That’s something we Tucsonans are best at.

Couldn’t resist including this hotness in conclusion (Abraham was the best fog wrangler in tarnation):

It’s been decided. I’ve found 3 of my most favorite (and most comfortable) swimsuits to date in the last few months. So I took it as a sign that I should go ahead and spend one month this Autumn on the island of Oahu, land of coconut breezes, misty rainforests, overpriced milk, and my favorite gay couple. So I’ll definitely be putting my swimsuits (here is the first) to great use, since lounging on the beach eating stolen coconuts with Bradley will be all I can afford to do.

Deep V Monokini, Kmart – $39.99

Stay tuned for one last swimwear post!

I love working on these sweet little trend direction shoots for Buffalo Exchange Fashion for several reasons. A) I get to raid Tucson’s Buffalo Exchange locations and try on 18,000 incredible outfits without getting flack for not buying anything. B) Buffalo locations here are some of my favorite EVER because of an overabundance of vintage which many a non-desert dwelling vintage fiend might consider poisoning their grandma for. C) My friend Bradley at Buffalo Exchange is the equivalent of a handsome and sophisticated golden retriever puppy. D) Because Bradley unkowingly reads my mind and assists with buying all the new merchandise Buffalo carries on a daily basis, it could remain unsaid that their selection for me personally, is to-kill-maim-or-die-for.

So we just decided to do two shoots this season.

Presented in an easy-to-view, thoughtfully embedded slideshow – just click the full screen button in the bottom right corner of the screen to zoom. See if you can spot the intensely rubbery jello jigglers we made just for the shoot.

From Buffalo Exchange Fashion:
“Think about the fifties, girlish pan collared blouses and flirty a-line minis. Think vibrant splashes of orange and yellow, blues and citrusy greens amidst a palate of soft neutrals. Or lightweight boxy cut knits in dusty pinks and desert-like tones with high-rise cutoffs and a sunhat so big that you could shade your entire crew. Think about headscarves and ikat, turquoise and stacked wooden bangles, studio frames, wedges and tooled leather saddlebags.”

Photos by the incredible Krysta Jabczenski
Styling by Bradley Rhea and Amber Mortensen
Model is the lovely Ann Thayer

From Buffalo Exchange Fashion:
“Full minis and mid-calf length skirts, chambray boyfriend blouses and satin shorts. Striking pops of classic red, brushed metals and PRINTS! Big 40’s-like floral, geometric shapes, tribal interpretations and a whole slew of different sized stripes. This spring definitely promises to be a stylish one! If it ever arrives, that is…”

Photos by Abraham Cooper
Styling by Bradley Rhea and Amber Mortensen
Model is Amber Mortensen of Painfully Hip

Have you ever purchased a garment that managed to change your entire outlook on life? A garment so wearable, functional, comfortable and versatile, you can barely bring yourself to remove it? I went from moving myself to the desert, in denial that temperatures below 40F exist, to hanging out in Iceland and Lithuania in late fall for fun and not even bothering to complain about the weather.
This little coat by Merrell is responsible.

This is me after being stranded overnight in a heinous snowstorm in a convertible with no heater. I am not even kidding. Yes, I may look a tad bit FRAZZLED, but I am miraculously ALIVE.

It’s not just the cute toggle buttons that make this coat amazing. It is the warmest thing I’ve ever sported, but it is also breathable, and compact enough to fit in my backpack or drape over my bag while shopping. It has deep, numerous and hidden pockets for passports, bicycle keys, train tickets and stolen pub coasters. It even looked chic with the $14 mall dress I bought at the mall to meet a Lithuanian president in.

Berlin

Reykjavik

I am in love. Copenhageners say that there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing. I am starting to believe them.

Know what else I was a genius for bringing to Europe? These little numbers from MustHaveShoes:

Supplemented with some amazing arch supports (from Foot Petals), these boots were perfect for miles and miles of walking. They were warm, but low profile in the suitcase, gave me jusssst enough height to feel slightly more Giselle-like but still be comfortable, and melded seamlessly with every outfit I brought.

What is the best thing you ever packed for a delightfully impractical vacation?

Disclaimer: Yes, I realize that there are terrific snowstorms happening on the East Coast right now and yes I realize that a lot of you will hate that I’m not wearing six layers of sheepskin right now, but what can I say? I’m pretty sure I’ve invited you all to move into the adobe wonderland I call Tucson, but you were not convinced. It’s ok! All the madmen in this town have either been caught, or are quietly enjoying the psychedelic sunsets. I swear.

So yeah. Perhaps a strapless American Apparel bodysuit, a high-waisted A-line vintage skirt and a pair of platforms isn’t the most creative combination one can imagine, but it is a flattering silhouette that gives any body shape the illusion of an hourglass. How to take it up a notch or 3? Make each piece an unrelated Pantone reject and BOOM. Your flattering outfit goes from safe to sensational.

Some people (carpet owners named The Dude, boy scouts, etc), however, often feel the need to “tie the madness together” somehow. Something in the outfit should match, right? What better way to do that than a little bit of gold jewelry to match my gold braided belt? I added one gilt fern leaf and turquoise earring from Wingflash, but I’m badly coveting an oversized turquoise with 14K gold overlay cocktail ring I found on ShopNBC, it would have been like Lebowski’s rug to this outfit.

Bodysuit by American Apparel – thrifted for $1
Periwinkle skirt – thrifted for $1
Gold braided belt – thrifted for $1
Earring by Wingflash Designs on Etsy – Gift
Red Patent Vintage Platforms – Swapped with Emilie of Preen Vintage, Tucson
So, yeah. I guess this outfit cost me $3 and a pair of shoes. Not bad.