it’s been noted by others in the past that my brother and i have an extremely close relationship - especially since he’s almost 9 years younger than me.
i won’t deny that i remember the day mom and dad bought him from the hospital, but we’re adults now.
we’re equals, and i spend a lot of time with him so that i can prove that i’m the awesomer sibling.
it’s the Ultimate Competition – and there are no Time Outs in the Ultimate Competition.
(have you ever been woken up at 3:00am by a barrage of blinding lights outside your bedroom window? then your sister probably didn’t invest a whole lot of time and effort into gathering every external camera flash she could get her hands on, and she probably isn’t me.)
it (obviously) goes without saying, but in the Ultimate Competition, i am the Ultimate Winner.
something weird went down this week though – i lost a round.
asher – with a little help from his boss, co-workers and the Tucson Weekly – finally has one point.
asher’s boss (i’ve heard) is a pretty awesome dude.
example? work uniform: he’s allowed to wear pretty much anything he wants – which frequently involves black high-top converse, short-shorts, and a powder blue baseball cap that says “princess” across the front in rhinestones – as long as it covers the appropriate body parts.
example two: they have a giant sign in front of the restaurant – on one of the busiest streets in tucson – where employees frequently post pretty much any ridiculous statement they can think of.
(here’s the point where i tell you that asher always introduces me as his “sister, diana – the lesser-attractive sibling.” then we all laugh knowingly and roll our eyes at each other when he’s not looking. it’s pretty obvious that it’s just not true.)
so when asher handed me this week’s edition of the Tucson Weekly and said, “oh, and the Ultimate Competition scores are in. they’re posted somewhere near the back…” i was able to accept the printed matter with grace and composure. (i rolled up the paper, hit him with it, stormed home, and then laughed hysterically on my living room floor…)
a true winner never wants her little brother feel bad about himself. even if he has to post lies on local signage in order to win a round.
the Ultimate Competition: asher’s first point
obvious lies. (asher on right, wearing “princess” hat and shapeless apron.)
(ps. asher – your lies might be on signs, but my name – and amber’s too – is on the guest list for bon iver tonight. what?!?! oh, that’s right – i regained my running title as Ultimate Winner of Ultimate Competition… see you at the show? no? what? you’re working?! so sorry, buddy…)
pps. if you didn’t click on the link to asher’s music already, do it now. my favorites? “knee” and “your bird.” maybe he deserves 3 points? you can be the judge of that.